Hi everybody,

I'm an American who left my active Midwest university town to move to Bostanci, Istanbul 2 years ago and get married. In America, my hobbies were trail riding, sheep herding, square dancing, rock climbing, scuba, ethnic restaurants, etc. In Turkey, my hubby commutes to Izmit, we don't have much money, and I speak little Turkish, so there is little for us to do here. I've seen all the museums and islands several times.

Our lease is up in a couple of weeks, and we're considering a move to the seaside town of Korfez/Yarimca (pop. 100,000), from which my hubby could walk to work. We visited Korfez for the first time yesterday. It's just 1 mile square of residential buildings, and a lone street with shops and restaurants. There are kids bicycling in the streets, barking dogs chained to the balconies, and everybody just drops garbage on the sidewalk as they walk along. Every public space (tea gardens, restaurants, parks) only had men or boys--very few women in sight. I'm almost certain that I'll be the only foreigner in the town.

I was wondering if anybody in this group has made a move to a small town like this with NO other foreigners and NO tourists? Did it work out, or did you move back to the big city ASAP? I was hoping there might be a few perks, like getting a huge apartment cheaply...being forced to finally use Turkish... or meeting more people... But I have "zero" in common with anybody in Istanbul, and I think I'd have "-10" in Korfez! I'd love to hear experiences good and bad! Thanks!

I don't have any experience so feel free to ignore me, but I don't think it would be good for you. In Istanbul there are lots of foreigners and things going on. Are you sure you have zero in common with anyone here, there are more than 15 million people here!

Do you work? What would you do all the time there? It just sounds like it could be really isolating.

Well, I definitely don't have anything in common with Turks. My whole life is (was!) centered around hobbies: horseback riding, dog sports, travel, ethnic food, kung fu, crafts, music lessons, camping, self-sufficient farming, etc. I was able to continue with these no matter where I lived--and I lived in four countries before Turkey. Put me in rural Brazil, and I still find people that share some of my hobbies... plus I'll learn new hobbies.

Conversely, Turkey is unique in that NOBODY here has any hobbies of any kind. Turks I've met (dozens of English students) are only into drinking tea at home and chatting. I don't know WHAT they chat about, because nobody in Istanbul seems to do ANYTHING outside of work and drinking tea. No activity, no hobbies, no sports.

I don't even have anything in common with Turkish farmers, as the animal care here is abysmal. What can I learn from somebody who thinks cats and dogs thrive on eating only moldy bread... and that animals should be chained in the hot sun for days with no food or water?

The way I figure it, Korfez couldn't possibly be WORSE... could it???

AmericanWife, you are probably 99% correct about Turks having no hobbies. It seems to me they don´t know what to do in free time and are so afraid of having any that they spend all their time at work, the rest maybe in front of a PC or visiting family.
But that´s not important for now. As to your case, you seem to be a bit special case since except for your hobbies you don´t seem to be able to socialize much. There aren´t only Turks, there are so many foreigners, haven´t you found anyone to meet, make friends? I know people living in Bostanci, Kadikoy and other close areas.
Have you tried to find a job which has sth to do with horses? I don´t mean farming, of course.
Well, I agree with misskaty, in Korfez you´ll be probably isolated.
Btw, life seems to be quite hard for you here. You sound always so negative and bitter. Didn´t you think of moving to another country?

Oh, I'd LOVE to move to another country! I ended up here because I married my husband whom I met online. In the past, I lived part time in Latin America, which I love. But my husband won't budge as far as moving outside Turkey, so I'm stuck here. I may sound bitter, but am not unhappy here. Just bored, and still hopeful that something will happen to change my hubby's mind so we can move to America... All my friends there are doing things like trying out for the World Dog Agility Championships, while I'm sitting around endlessly watching CNN-International...

About ex-pats, most of the ex-pats I've met here are teachers at my old language school. Most stay 6 months or less before leaving, and all the ones I knew have left. The few other ex-pats I've run across are all super wealthy big-city people who work at multinational corporations and ALSO have no hobbies except chatting and going to expensive restaurants. The one time I met up with some ex-pats for dinner, they insisted we go to a place that was so expensive, I didn't even have enough with me to pay for water. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant before ordering. That was the last time I tried to get involved with ex-pats!

You sound like an amazing woman and your husband is lucky to have met you.

Bostanci is a great location as you can get to so many places so easily - European side by dolmus or boat etc. Can you frequent a cafe or tea garden so the staff or customers get used to seeing you and talking to you.

Do not knock all the folk you have met too hard. Life experiences are different. I would agree that many turks/ex pats do not a lot of leisure time hobbies but why..... lack of free time, lack of cash, lack of awareness about what they could do....

I also know a lot of wealthy (but time poor) and not wealthy (but time rich) who managed to do a lot of things. Walking groups are a good place for networking - Ozgala, Arnika, Patikaya, Yesil Bisiklet. Evening or weekend adult education at Belediye centres or cultural centres Asian/european sides and places like Bilgi Egitim. Fotograf Evi for either classes or trips. Fest Travel for cultural lectures and tours.

Like many big cities, I find that people in Istanbul have less time for new contacts. Family and school/university friends are important but there is limited time to spend on cultivating new friends. Small towns are very different and the people factor becomes more important with less facilities - music/cinema etc to act as distractions

For the small town experience, if you can add it up to life experience and be willing to immerse yourself with the locals you may well find it interesting. (Thus do it!) You will be seriously different from them and to them, so do not expect boon companions. Small town minds are envious of big town ways and want to copy them so if you are taking up rural pursuits you will in their minds be going backwards.

Stick with it and write a book, study for an interesting distance degree, any traditional music or art forms - eg ebru paper marbling that appeal to you? Get a dog and your are forced to meet other dog people....

I will send you a pm with a few contact ideas

Good luck

Good luck from me too, AmericanWife. Unfortunately I am living far from you, as other people I don´t have much free time due to work and commuting but I´m trying to do at least short trips during weekends, although not always successful. Due to economic crisis we also don´t have much money but money isn´t everything.
One remark - if your hubby doesn´t want to move outside Turkey I wouldn´t be much hopeful about changing his mind. My partner is also like that. But ... never say never. I wish you meet "your" people there in Korfez.

I'm sorry but i don't understand...Turkey is not America at all...you seem to be surprised that turkish people don't have hobbies, they simply have a différent kind of lifestyle, which is not worse, not better than yours.
Why don't you buy a horse for exemple? Or if you go to big touristic resorts you'll find everything you want : hiking, diving, paraglading, canyoning, horseriding...

If there is no places to practice your hobbies, why not create your own?

In USA you had money for all this, but you don't have in Turkey where everything is cheaper?

Hi everybody,

Thanks for the well wishes. I'm looking forward to the move, as it should be "interesting" at the least.

About buying a horse... 1) We don't have any money. My hubby worked full-time the past 6 months and didn't get paid a penny by his company, due to the economic crisis, 2) even if we could afford a horse, I won't get one while there's hope we can go back to the USA, as it would be unfair to the horse. However, I've looked into riding lessons around Korfez/Izmit. From the websites, they look like terrible places. Nobody wearing helmets, horses looking extremely uncomfortable, as macho newbies bounce around on their backs like a sack of potatoes, kicking and digging the bit hard into the poor horse's mouth... We'll go look in person before deciding, but I'm not too hopeful.

About tourist areas... We have had just one 36-hour vacation in the past year--tent camping just outside Istanbul. In 2 years here, I've only spent 2 hours on a Turkish beach, and that was in winter--no money to travel. As far as moving goes, my hubby's job requires us to stay in an industrial area of Turkey.

About Turkey being "cheaper than America"... you must be from a big city like NYC or LA! I'm from the small-town Midwest. Just before coming here, I was renting a detached condo, 200 m2, with a huge yard... right next to a county park with a lake. This was much cheaper than our 45 m2 apartment in Bostanci. Gas in America was 1/6th the price of Turkey. Tools, DIY, clothing, electronics concerts, and evening classes all cost more in Turkey. Food is the only thing that's about the same price both places. And our joint income (when my hubby gets paid!) is less than half what I earned by myself in the U.S. For those of us from middle-America, at least, Turkey is no bargain!

Why not consider other cities, not Istanbul and not Korfez? Maybe Izmir?

Hi,
And your husband would like to come to the USA? Sometimes it's difficult for turkish people to leave their country.

Most of your hobbies ARE available in Istanbul but they are much more expensive than they would be in the States. I know of scuba diving, windsurfing, horse riding, ethnic restaurants (limited, but there - much more fun are exploring regional turkish cuisines, like black sea and hatay), rock climbing, etc. It sounds like money is tight, so perhaps new hobbies are in order. If you stay in Istanbul, you might consider joining the International women of Istanbul (www.iwi-tr.org). They organize photography outings, and are involved with various charities, including animal shelters. I am intending to do an ebru course through the Caferağa Medresesi, which offers traditional Turkish arts (procelain, calligraphy) for a reasonable 120 tl a month. http://www.antoloji.com/etkinlik/default.asp?etkinlik=3104

Small town turkey will definitely be a challenge, but you sound like the adventurous sort... You would definitely be able to improve your turkish, possibly have a garden, learn turkish cooking, etc. As one of the above posters said, you will find a very different mindset, and probably won't find a new best friend. But, Turkish people can be amazingly hospitable and welcoming, and you might find yourself to be the local celebrity if you use your few turkish words and smile a lot.

@Americanwife, Turkish people do have hobbies, they are just not the same as yours, but by all means they still have hobbies. You say you like ethnic restaurants, Turkey has a wide variety of dishes, have you tried eating them, or do you consider turkish food not to your taste? You say you have nothing in common with turkish people, yet have you taken the time to know what they like, and what they want to do, or has it been about what you want to do and if they are interested in it or not. Have you tried to introduce any of them to YOUR hobbies, we all have our hobbies not becuase we just learned them ourselves, but mostly because someone introduced the hobby to us. I am American, and my wife is Turkish, we have plenty of hobbies that we share, and hobbies that we don't share.

You say you dont' want to buy a horse cause that would be wrong, when there is a hope of going back to the States. Seems like instead of accepting where you are, you are holding out for a return to the states so maybe you might never actually accept turkey and therefore you will probably not be happy there no matter what you are doing. Oh and you can always sell the horse if you knokw you are going to leave.

Even if you dont' speak turkish, make the attempt to speak it, use a lot of sign language, and try to interact with the community you live in, your husband is turkish so try to learn more about his culture, by doing that you will also learn a lot about him. And you dont' want to be labeled as the stuck up American foreigner in the minds of the locals.

And yeah turkey is so much cheaper, EVERYTHING is cheaper. you go to turkey with Euros and your money is doubled while prices are halfed, you go with dollars and your money increase by 1.5 times . you go with pounds and your money is 2.4 times as much.

You dont' have to go to expensive restaurants with other expats, you can go to local restaurants that are sometimes twice as nice and service is twice as good. oh and price is half is much. I went to this one very nice restaurant with a rooftop and 6 of us at a full meal with dessert and I paid for it and it only cost about 50 TYL which was about 25euros, or 32 dollars, now you try going to a restaurant in America with 5 people haveing a full course meal and only paying 32 dollars for everyone.

Thanks for the continued good responses!

For those of you that suggested Turks have hobbies... and I should just get to know some Turks... I'm an English teacher and have had contact with over 150 intermediate-advanced students so far. Spending 2-10 hours per week with the students, I get to know them VERY well. Out of these students, one skiis and likes riding on sailboats (but doesn't sail them himself), two belong to health clubs, and the other 147 have no hobbies at all... even passive hobbies like "going to concerts." Even when pressed on multiple occasions, they can't come up with a single activity that they do for entertainment other than going to restaurants or occasional trips to an all-inclusive.

And for those of you who said I should try Turkish food. I have! It's nice, but when you've lived in Turkey for 2 years, Turkish food no longer qualifies as "ethnic." Even though I always lived in small Midwestern university towns, I was used to having easy access to Chinese, 5-alarm Thai, Japanese, Mexican, Greek, Nepalese, Russian, Ethiopian, Laotian, Mongolian, Italian, Indian, etc.--the real deal, with 1st generation, non-English-speaking cooks. All I've found in this metropolis of 16 million so far are two bland-as-hell Chinese restaurants, and two bland-as-hell Mexican ones, all with Turkish cooks and staff.

If anybody knows of any authentic ethnic restaurants with NON-Turkish cooks, please let me know!

Thanks for the recommendation. I'll look into both of those.