Merhaba!


At first I wanted to blog this (maybe later I will) but I just thought it will be interesting for people to read this and kill some time, and see things from a western womens eyes. I have heard and read many blogs on this issue, but now I can say been there & done that.

Its (of course) about turkish men. Before I start I want to say one thing. Im an average looking girl, I dont look european, I also dont look very Turkish. Im actually a person that go with one in the wall. Just OK. So my experience, is an average foreigner girls experience. Unfortunately.

Turkish men are hardworking fellows. If you ask them for help,they do help! And that,I respect them for.
Many of them work 12 hours shift,and have one day off. Just to make a living? Respect,really.
If they are pissed off at the boss, they have to wait till they get home to take it out on their wife or sister. Because at work, you cannot argue with your seniors. But even though they are very busy and seem like they are so fed up with their lives that dont stop them from "enjoying their life":

If they see an ass or boob they like-they will find some time and some way to touch/feel it. And they even think that she liked it,its her fault-she is not proper dressed...
And because its so crowded everywhere in Istanbul, touching/feeling and getting away with it is very easy. And many girls dont say anything, because in Turkey if you scream then you are whore. If you dont scream, you are still a whore (obviously,you didnt scream because you liked it-mentality)

In the start, I couldnt believe it, I pretended like nothing. Second week, I started taking taxi everywhere. but the third week,I had enough. I screamed and yelled at them in Norwegian, and amazingly enough-they stopped, sometimes they went off the tram.
Actually its a friend from mymerhaba who told me to do this,she said it worked. And it does.

Girls, you can either let them touch you (you are not the first,not their last) or you can let them (and the people around) know what they are up to. One day, they probably will stop because of the humiliation.

I will be honest (and maybe also very unpopular) I thought the men in Istanbul were a little bit ongoing before I went there. When I was there,I felt as if I had underestimated the turkish men. Little ongoing?....
They are really crazy for women.
And trust me, Im not too hot, they really are CRAZY for women.I felt stupid yelling all the time though, but I survived
A woman has to do,what she has to do to survive right?

I think the mentality there is that if a women goes with short or less clothes, she wants sex.
I come from a country where we pray to see sun,its just cold, cold and more cold over here. when I feel burning istanbul sun and that closed air- I cannot cover up. Sorry.
You will touch me, and I will scream and that will spoil your and my day. Why just not behave?

Despite all of all those turkish men issues, I did enjoy my stay. I love istanbul. Because my parents (even though I never talked to them) were turkish. And I feel some attachment to the country... I feel myself peaceful when Iam there.
I would never believe I could fall in love with a country where the men wants to f*** everything that walks on two legs, and where the girls seem to never have seen happiness in their life. They never smile.

I actually do feel as I belong everywhere in Istanbul, just not in the buses/trams/collective transports and Im moving there for a year very soon. I wonder if I will be so weak that I will end up like a real covered up turkish lady who dont smile back ever, and dont answer when she is spoken too. Who knows? Time will show...

I have just read this and I am shocked...in disbelief actually. I am European....English actually, blonde, blue eyed, although bias - attractive I'd say but never in all the time I have spent in Istanbul have I ever experienced this sort of behaviour from any of the men. Yes, you get the odd stares sometimes...we look different right? but I have never come across gropy, disrespectful men. I have used public transport many times and the only contact I have had with men on the buses, train etc. is when they have stood up to offer me their seat when it is really busy. Yes, I'm sure there are some a***holes about, isn't there everywhere? But you cannot generalise about Turkish men. I have lived here on a more permanent basis for nearly a year and never seen or heard of any guys touching up women. I have Turkish male and female friends too. My parents have just spent 2 weeks holiday here and they were blown away with Istanbul and the people...they found everyone to be wellmannered, warm and helpful. As tourists, they did the works! They went everywhere and never had any problems with unsavoury characters.

You also said, 'I would never believe I could fall in love with a country where the men wants to f*** everything that walks on two legs, and where the girls seem to never have seen happiness in their life. They never smile.'

This I'm sorry is so far from the truth. Where have you been in Istanbul like this? Please tell me, because I'd like to avoid this place...The women DONT cover up, in fact, in the main they dress more revealing than I would care to.

I hope you don't think I am trying to undermine what you are saying, clearly you have experienced something no women should, and I'm sorry for that, but I'd like people ( readers) to see the bigger picture. One from someone who lives here and smiles every day.

Well, mostly of the tourists do have good experiences from Turkey. Thats a fact.
I love Istanbul so much, that I really had to read my post twice to understand that I actully posted such comment about such a lovely city. Its unfortunate, but true.

At times I have tried to figure out,maybe its my looks. I look turkish, but dont speak turkish and people are pissed off at that I dont want to speak my "own" language?
But then my bestfriend has experienced exactly the same, and she dont look anything like me. The other friend has not any such experiences, but then again, she is always with her boyfriend. And I think that helps alot... A male`s company.

I just have to give up and say that the problem is not me, its them.

Something that is true for you,may not be the truth for me. Its all about experiences. You say you`ve never experienced anything like this, I must say you are lucky keep your fingers crossed.

Where? Tram zeytinburnu-kabatas and bus Osmanbey area.

Eveything said and complained, mostly turkish men are really helpful. I asked this man about way to a place, and he insisted on showing me the way.We walked about 10 min! He didnt even ask for anything in return, and couldnt speak english at all.
Such things warm my heart... but the truth is that many others would have tried to get a number in those 10 min.
Im not generalising about Turkish men. Many of them warm your heart, but many of them touch you unpleasantly. Too many...

Ive lived there over 3 weeks (over couple of months all together) and I smiled everyday
So, this was not enough to ruin my stay. And I kept telling myself that I would maybe be as hungry if I was raised up working as hard as them and having no womens touch before I was in my early 20`s.

Ive noticed that we talk about the smiles here on mymerhaba, but often not about the negative things (which is good) and the challenges we meet in our daily lives- and thats why I chose to post my comment. I felt it was important and also another side of the happy Istanbul

Hmmm, sorry to hear you had nasty experiences. The only time(s) I had been groped had been in the UK, but then again I'm a Turkish male, so my word may not count.

Seriously though, in case of a grope, I have always given the advice to shout LOUDLY. Groping is frowned upon by the public and the groper will hopefully break contact and leave.

As for the girls, when they are employed, they do work as hard as men do - who said there's no equality? I have no clue why they were so grumpy though. I can assure you that's not necessarily the norm everywhere. I have been to Çanakkale last week and the culture there was completely different than, say, Ankara. Girls in hotpants guzzle their beers on the seaside. In groups of three. Next to families guzzling tea.

And finally, dressing "appropriately" would be sensible advice, though what constitutes as "appropriate" is a delicate matter. Basically, the more you bare the more you are likely to attract vermin. The "vermin threshold", so to say, is higher in İzmr and even higher in Bodrum, as you can guess. I fully understand your desire to expose yourself to the sun, however İstanbul may not be exactly the right place to do it.

In case you are wondering, the local girls somehow find a balance, somewhere between ignoring the lot, challenging them and being defensive in the first place.

when ı read Sarah' post, ı tried to analyse it.

In some points, she is right. WE -Turkish guys- are sometimes crazy about these kind of things..What to do It is the consequences of being a closed society in past.

Nowadays, it is rapidly changing. Yes honestly, we have very different guys who has psychological addiction to the sex. Not meaningful to generalise.

If it is necessary to talk about her problems. I do not think, in first step, nobody can touch you easily. They know that it is very big issue to hurt others. Maybe Sarah lives in a bad environment.

We are not psycho but not totaly innocent so this is a mental problem which will change by time.

laxula, you are right. Istanbul might not be the right place to dress off in any way. But I think you have to make a choice. To either show skin and tolerate things going on with you, or to change yourself and the way you dress.
I always say that when a person go somewhere, they have to try to adjust themselves into the culture and not try to fit everyone else into yours- because thats mission impossible and just not right.
But then when I think about it, we have many women wearing hijaab,burka and niqaab in Norway. I never look down upon them or tell them to take those things off.In fact, the politicians here are fighting like crazy to make sure those women dont get bullied in anyway. Even though mostly of us dont understand their clothing.
I just wish they could give me the same freedom in their country, which I give them in mine...
I hope this came out the right way

onderankara, nobody runs towards you down Taksim to feel or touch. It happens in crowded area, mostly of the time you wont even know who did it.

The good thing with istanbul is that it dont take long time to find out which environement is good, and which is bad so I will be more careful when I move there (about where I hang around, and where l live)
Its so strange how different areas in same city can be though.

I do see the change in Istanbul from the first time I was there, and from the last. Its changing, and very fast. They have a way to go, but still-its a good sign

Dear Sarah, I cannot let you say "It happens in crowded area". That is not a characteristic for İstanbul.

You can see it in any part of the world. As I remember, ı faced with the same problems in Sweden so that is not an healthy claim.

Please, give up saying tricky things about Turkey. (and I think that ı am very honest in my post above)

I agree, we are talking about Istanbul are we not?!? Yes, I'm sure there are one or two idiot guys here ( uneducated and originally from further afield...) but in the main, Istanbul is a modern city full of modern thinkers...Turkey is certainly not a country of sex addicts...I think to say that Turkish men are sex addicts is laughable. Yes, probably the ones that tend to venture to Bodrum ( from their villages) and other tourist resorts to get money, working in th bars etc...are no doubt focussed on one thing ( especially when slappers are offering it on a plate..) but here is Istanbul, please nobody get the impression that this is what the guys are about.

Sarah, it seems the problems you encountered were on the European side in the busy areas...I live on the Asian side, in a very nice area by the coast....full of educated people. I am aware that there are some dodgy areas in Istanbul, afterall, it is a city and you always get them, you could encounter this kind of thing the world over. Crikey, back at home in the UK, you could almost guarantee a guy sneaking a quick grope of your ass whilst on a night out in a busy pub. Use your elbows and jab hard. Opportunists.

Im sorry to hear that you feel Im saying tricky things about Turkey. There are many things I love about Turkey, especially istanbul and turkish men are not my top five (to say it another way).
Its all about experiences. I have had other experiences then you, and I think you should respect that.
If you dont, its not a problem for me.

It happens in crowded area. Not all the time. Not all crowded areas. But too many times, too often. And Im sorry to tell you that. Really.

Im travelling at least two times in a month because of my job, and I have been to every continent in the world and experienced alot of things.

Istanbul is one of the most modern city I have been to in a muslim country. But as all the other cites, this city also has issues And I think we should deal with the problem(s) and find solution(s) instead of hiding the problem away and saying " no, its not like that"

absolutely. In Oslo, thats not a common thing. But in UK, london,that could definately happen. But the thing is, in the pub- yes, drunk people-yes. But guys who are doing such things in Istanbul are not in the pub or drunk. They are going home from work, or something like that.

I have heard so much good about the asia side, and if it wasent for my university, I would definately consider renting an appartment there
Oh,trust me, My elbows, eyes,hands-everything is ready.

And I think Ive wrote that in every post of mine, but I just dont want anyone to misunderstand me. I love Istanbul. I love well mannered Istanbuliyahs (people of istanbul) its just the mens that dont fit into "well mannered" Im irretated over. And there are many of them. Unfortunately...

Sarah, I wish you all the best with your stay, I'm sure you will have a fantastic year. Think about it, after your experiences, your eyes are wide open now and you are going to come back stronger and wiser for sure Lots of luck x

Hı dear!!!!

Just saw your post here!!!! I am currently readıng a very cool book wrıtten by an Amerıcan journalıst Geraldıne Brooks - your colleague - Nıne parts of Desıre - The hıdden world of Islamıc Women . Strongly recommend to read - ıt wıll be the part of the puzzle about thıs culture - and you wıll be able to understand the mentalıty of people. The book ıs extremely shockıng for a Westerner - but at least you wıll understand a lot. And of course after readıng ıt there wıll be more questıons than answers.

The more I thınk about ıt the more I realıse that ın my country we are never dıvıded ınto men and women - I graduated from 2 unıversıtıes and always thought that your abılıty to thınk fast ıs what you need ın lıfe. Here I feel more a woman as I are treated as a woman not as a Mıss Braın. Be wıse as a woman that ıs the lesson I am learnıng here

You need to dıssolve your anger as ıt ıs ımpossıble to teach all people how to lıve.

Recently read about Buddha - one day he was walkıng ın the vıllage and two men started callıng hım names... Buddha was absolutely calm and relaxed - these 2 people came to hım and asked Are you death???? He answered - 10 years ago I would start fıghtıng wıth you - but now when I am enlıghtened I allow you do to what you want - but I choose MY REACTION to your deeds... Well we are not Buddha... but we can try!!!!!

Hey Val! Miss talking to you
When I got your mail, I promised myself to read it. Now that you mention it again, I have to found out if they have it in stores here (probably not, everything goes slow here)
But I will read it!
And Im far from any Buddha,hehe,I think you know that
But as you said, I have to try to fit into their culture. And I certainly will try to do that without losing myself...

Taylorgirl: Thank you. I think I will need that. Actually,I cant wait to move. Time is going so slow!